Dec 17, 2008

A Christmas Letter For The 7 kids.

Dear Baird Children,

Today was the first New England snowfall of any consequence and the first two hour snow delay and with the arrival of these events I am reminded that I have to chat with you all about some things:

#1. Mittens do not reproduce on their own and they prefer to be in pairs. If you make it through the whole winter with the same set of mittens you began with you will be the child of the moment. And if I have to buy you another pair every week I will include that information on your BYU application.

#2. If you are walking across our hardwood floor and it is 6:30 in the morning and you are coming home from exercising and you hear a squeaking sound on the hardwood floors that sound should remind you that your shoes are wet and that should remind you that if I heard the same sound you are in trouble. (this reminder is for Brian)

#3. If you wear all the jeans you own, at the same time, outside to play in the snow and then come inside and take them off leaving them all stuck together inside out laying on the floor by the front door I am pretty sure the natural consequence of that is having no jeans to wear.

#4. If you throw snowballs or smash snow on the windows of our home, like you all did last winter, I am pretty sure you will be my window washer all spring and I may dream up some additional punishment like making you run out in the snow wearing just your underwear.

#5. If you are a boy, your name starts with a "J", and you live in this house and you are outside playing merrily in the snow and make the choice to go to the bathroom outside rather than dealing with coming in make sure you do not go to the bathroom in front of the windows where I can see you and be well informed that you will wash your own snowsuit :)

#6. Remember if you throw a snowball at another person that is just like sending them an invitation and that person will definitely RSVP. And it is definitely not a tattling situation.

#7.Remember that the million layers you put on your body for when you go out in the snow to play will get wet, heavy and stick to you and be very hard to get off your body. Before you go our to play I will make you sign a contract stating that you will not cry, yell, sob, blame everyone else and tantrum when this happens we will deal with it calmly and professionally.

#8 Another new policy for this year is that the minute you are all out the door I am going to lock every door in the house and set the timer for an hour. Then I am going to read a book ignoring all your begging and crying until that timer rings and then I will let you back in the house but only through that amazing invention....the garage where you will take everything off before you step in the house....yes, even if you really have to go to the bathroom.

#9 But, don't worry, you won't have to go to the bathroom because we are not drinking 24 hours before any predicted snowstorm so that you do not have to go to the bathroom once you get outside. What a smart mom you have :)

So I think that about covers it. Just think, if you follow these simple rules you will still have a mom in the spring :)

All my love,
MOM

5 comments:

jcmcmt said...

This post really has me laughing.

As for the missing mittens: Lands' End used to have a policy that if you bought their gloves or mittens and one got lost, you could order another one for free. Not sure if this is still their policy, but it's worth checking out.

Hopefully by now all of the kids are on the bus and you are enjoying a quiet house.

Bernd and Rachel said...

Amen Jennifer!:) I love it. My kids are dying for some real snow, we just keep getting rain!

Anne Marie said...

I definitely think you should set the timer for an hour! I do miss having snow for the kids to play in. By the way, if you don't get an e-mail from me today with my address (just in case I have the wrong e-mail), do you mind e-mailing me at water@byu.edu (it's actually my husband's e-mail, but that way it won't have my last name on here)? Thanks!

Kristy said...

I love those rules! I especially love how you worked in a rule for the RSVP. I think I will adopt the locking-the-kids-out-for-an-hour rule, regardless of the time of year.

April said...

You crack me up! Miss you guys!