Apr 28, 2009

Determined?



For an entire year I have effectively ignored it. But then the signs that I should face it started adding up. Tight clothes, not wanting to be caught on film, tight clothes, cringing when seeing pictures of myself.....did I mention tight clothes? :) I often find that not facing things is the way I like to deal with them. You know maybe they will go away if you ignore them. Well that is not the case in this situation. It apparently, without my permission, just kept getting bigger. But I had absolutely no idea how much until last night when I made the simple choice to stand on that stupid, coldhearted scale. What I saw shocked me into action. When I moved to Massachusetts the scale said 120 and that is not what it said last night. I panicked. And I realized that when THEY say you have to hit rock bottom before you do something THEY were right. This is the first time in my life that I have hit rock bottom. And it is a unexpectedly, rejuvinating feeling. I had to really concentrate on the feeling since I did not recognize it.....what is this?.....oh my gosh, it is determination. Wow, I have not felt that in a long time. Hey everyone look at me I am determined!!

First thing I did was march into the kitchen and scold my family members for not telling me I was fat. What kind of friends are they?

Second thing I did was go in the basement and find the purple folder that I knew had a handful of blank calendars sitting in it. Those calenders had been waiting patiently for about 10 years for me to need them. I went upstairs with my calenders and I sharpened a pencil, because everyone knows you can not start something new without a freshly sharpened pencil and then I wrote in black Sharpie on the top of my calendar, "Your mom is fat." Then I filled in all the days in May. Then on each and every day, except Sunday, I wrote "exercise, water, portions." On Sunday it just says, "water and portions." Water means 8 glasses of water and I can cross it off IF I drink my 8 glasses. Exercise means 3 miles everyday PLUS my 30 minute toning video and I can cross it off IF I do it. Portions means....well it basically means portions and I can cross it off IF I recognize the portion size :) Down the side of the calendar I wrote the words, "Carbs are evil."

Then I wrote how much I weighed on the calendar in plain view for everyone who walks in the house and looks on my fridge to see. Then I decided 20 lbs off of that number would be just about perfect and very reasonable. I asked the little, tiny 14 year old who happened to be sitting at the table with me how long she thought it would take me to lose 20 lbs and she went on and on about how she had lost 3 lbs when she started track and then gained it back over spring break....blah, blah, blah. I realized I can not ask a cute, skinny person that question. So in my mind I decided that I want it gone by Labor Day for our annual trip to the beach.

I confess I think I really like being determined :)

11 comments:

CJ said...

Oh Jenn.... you are not fat lol.
You may be more then what you want to be, but you are far from fat! It is good to be determined and get healthier and feel good. And this post reminds me that I need a new battery for my scale, which is especially important because most of the clothes I am wearing right now are too big and I don't ever want to fill them out again. lol

I still have some of my old dresses with an 80 inch waist from before I lost the 225 pounds about 5 years ago. So if your feeling big come on over and try on some of my old dresses. I bet you could fit in there with all of your daughters and probably even your son's too and maybe even Brian...

LOL, I just went to hit the submit button and the word verification word for my comment is "dinnere".

Brianne said...

Good luck on your quest to lose weight! I really need to get started too.

Jenn said...

LOL! I'm convinced that being skinny is Satan's plan, but I will help you on your way to the dark side if I must!!!!! :D

Camie said...

Yep, I'm 39+ weeks pregnant today, so I'm sure I'll hit this same point very soon in the next few months!! Good luck, and I can't believe you weighed 120 when you moved to Mass!! That is a teeny, tiny size and hopefully you don't feel like you have to hit that again!

JENNIFER said...

oh my friend Camie you are sweet....remember I am under 5 ft tall so 120 is nothing to be proud of :)
And I will never forget how the weight just slides off of you after a baby :)
Can you say JEALOUS? :)

Melissa said...

Me and you both. The baby is 5 months old and I guess the extra 10pounds (plus the 10 from all the other kids) is not going to go away by eating rice cripy treats for breakfast. Not that I do that. I think I will go drink some water.

Check out http://www.sparkpeople.com
It is a great site to track you calories and exercise.

Kristy said...

You GO girl! I love your determination and planning.

Thanks for the link, Melissa. I love rice krispie treats anytime.

My Many Coloured Days said...

I agree with Camie 120 sounds utterly delightful! JEALOUS!!!

I think I may have to copy your calendar idea. Your determination may be contagious. (I HOPE!)

You better not let me down.

DeAnn said...

Ya Jenn! I love your ideas. I have been working out for about 4 months and have only gained (gasp) weight. I guess I need to try some of your other ideas. What is your toning video? Perhaps some of your suggestions will help me ;)

Zac-ShaunaFamily said...

Just when I made it two months without going to the gym, you give ME some determination. Thanks. I'll get back to work. I still have my water exercise belt. Maybe I should go back to the pool :)!

Anne Marie said...

You can do it! 120...oh, it's been a very long time since my scale has said that! 20 pounds is totally do-able! I've lost 24 and still have 26 to go..ugh! 20 pounds to lose is much better than the 50 I found myself owning last year.