Aug 24, 2009

Can't Sleep.

Well what is a girl to do when it is 5:39 in the morning and she can't sleep? Well first she tries making lists. This not being able to sleep thing does not happen very much to her so she is never sure what to do. The list thing did not really work. So she tried starting a load of laundry and cleaning out the church bag. Hmmmm what about hanging up her clothes? Nope, still can't sleep. So I decided to blog.

Madeline leaves for BYU on Tuesday and my mind is racing. I have yet to have the privilege of actually taking my kids to BYU and checking them in. And I confess it is harder for me than I would ever let on. I am a visual person. I want to see their room. I want to see their roomates. I want to see their salt and pepper shakers sitting on the counter in their kitchen. Because I have no visual I do not even know if I am sending her with everything she needs....and yes, that bothers me a little.

Madeline is not a talker...well let me rephrase that she is not an oversharing type like me. The only reason I know much about her life is because I live with her. In two days I won't even be living with her. How will I know if she is okay? I was searching my mind this morning when I was laying in bed not able to sleep. Did I share everything that went on in college with my mom? Ummm NO. Now is the test. Did I raise her well? What kind of person do I hope she will be in college? What advice do I need to remember to give her?

I will never ever forget when my parents dropped me at BYU. I lived in Washington State so it was realistic for them to drive me to Utah. It is not realistic for us to drive to Utah from Massachusetts. My two little brothers came along. I do not remember the packing process. I know I always made lists of what clothes I had and what matched. I know my parents bought me the hugest bottle of shampoo in the world. After we unloaded all my stuff I remember walking around campus with them. They were so excited to be there and were reminiscing and my little brothers were embarrassing me. I was so ready for them to go home. And then the moment came when they finally left me in my dorm room all by myself. I remember sitting there waiting for the fun to begin. But no one was appearing at my door? I felt a brief moment of feeling sorry for myself. But then that was then I realized the best life lesson I ever learned. I can't sit around waiting for other people to be responsible for my fun and happiness I have to take charge. So I headed down the hallway on the second floor of May Hall in Helaman Halls knocking on doors and meeting everyone.

Have I taught Madeline how to be a good friend? Have I taught her how to think about other people? Strange that I do not care what kind of grades she gets I just care about if she is a nice person and if she has friends. I think I may be confused :)

I have 4 lists right now. One is the list of things she and her dad have to do on BYU campus:
Pick up her computer....did you know you can rent one for $12.00 a month?
Get her books
Set up a bank account
grocery shop
move in
Pick up the kitchen stuff that Zach left her at Aunt Claudia's house

The next list is of what she eats so that she remembers what to buy at the store: (it is amazing what you take for granted that you always have in the house but strangely do not have when you get to college.)
honey nut cheerios
peanut butter

Ahh the college days when you could eat so horribly :)

What do I wish I would have known when I was at college? Well how my life was going to turn out...duh:) I wish I would have had confidence. I wish I would have realized how many options there were out there. It was such an amazing time. I wish I could go back just for a day. Just to see what I acted like. What I looked like to other people. Just to look at people I have not seen in over 20 years. To use all my grown up knowledge to observe them :)

So wish me luck as I have one day left to make sure Madeline knows how to do laundry, fix a meal, iron, be nice, be able to recognize the right boy when he comes along, go to church...sigh....silly me.


C Tam said...

I LOVE this post. It made me feel nostalgic, and I'm not even a turned corner away from Madeline's life stage, let alone close to understanding yours. Computer rental. Yes. It took us 4 years to find out about it (best kept secret on campus?!) I remember my mom telling me every time she worried while I was away at college, she'd go to the temple, pray about me, and then feel like everything was going to be okay.

Nieca and Roger said...

Wow, I suddenly feel very homesick! After 7 years of college away (far, far away) from family - this post just really brought back a lot of emotions - Madeline is going to have so much fun and stress. I was always the keep everything to myself child (I know, you're so shocked to learn that about me), but I actually started sharing more with my family and especially my mom - I don't think we'd be as close as we are without that time and experience.

Anne Marie said...

Yay! Overthinking everything has a post today. College is such an amazing time of life. I am from New Jersey, so my parents were far away as I figured things out, and it all worked out. I made some of the best friends of my life there. She will do great. The weird thing is that it doesn't seem that long ago at all. I was getting dropped off at BYU exactly 16 years ago. It really seems like just a few short years ago. I think it will be very hard to send my kids out of the nest. I've got 7 years before my first leaves, and I'm already dreading it. Hope the rest of your summer goes okay.

Pam Mueller said...

One more gone, your house is getting empty! I am sure you have prepared her well. Zach was a blessing to Rachel, and I am positive she will be a blessing to someone too.

Kristy said...

She is going to do so well! I love Madeline and am confident that you have taught her everything she needs to know to be successful in life! I will visit her room and take pictures for you, okay? But I would like it even more if you could come to Utah and visit ... soon!

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you couldn't sleep, BUT I'm glad you're back to blogging. 20 days is a long time to wait between blogs. I didn't think I would make it. phew.:)