Aug 25, 2009

Missing

Do you remember the first time you missed? Was it something you lost? Was it someone? Was it a party? I have been thinking about missing. I really hate missing. I hate missing so much that when I was little, okay, and when I was big, I was always the last person in bed ....just in case I missed something.

If you fail to hit something that is missing.
If you fail to encounter, catch, or meet something that is also missing
Don't forget failing to take advantage of something...that is also missing...one of the more painful types....the kind that enjoys haunting you.
If you fail to be present at or for something, guess what? You are missing.
What about noticing the absence or loss of something? Yep, that is missing.
Did you know that regretting the loss or absence of something is also called missing...that is the one that is most painful...the one I seem to be most familiar with.

Why does missing actually hurt? No one punched or pinched me but I can still feel missing. I feel it when I hear certain music. I feel it when I see certain things. I sometimes can not predict what will cause it to wash over me. It loves to catch me unaware.

I feel like a silly high school girl writing all about missing but it has been on my mind. I have been very familiar with missing lately. I do not know how to make missing go away. I am the kind of person who loves to have associations with things, people and experiences and that makes me one of missing's most favorite kind of person.

My latest missing is very painful. It is my own doing which is rarely the case. Who me actually invite missing over for a play date? Yeah, what was I thinking?

I still miss the oriental carpet my husband "accidentally" gave away when we moved from Princeton to Lawrence.

I still miss my 100lb self.

I miss my 2 kids that are out in the big wide world.

I miss my dearest friends scattered across the United States who all knew me so well. It is hard to find a good friend who loves you no matter what you do.

I miss that I missed opportunities to get to know some people better and be a part of their lives.

I miss going to my Grandma's cabin in Christmas Meadows up in the Uintas.

I miss Survivor night at Kristy's.

I miss my confidence. I really did have it when I was 10.

Well, I guess you get the picture. So I better go face my day before I miss it too :)

2 comments:

Brianne said...

I've missed your new blog posts...it's good to have you back!

Camie said...

Another blog post that should be published! I am home at my mom's right now, and I'm missing living near my family!