Nov 11, 2009

Ruining Everything.

Okay I just have to get this off my mind today. I know you love being inside my mind and knowing everything I think about and all the misconceptions I have...I bet those are your favorite. You really do not even have to read this post it is just for me to get it this off my mind and say it out loud.

Anyway, do you have a friend that no matter what you do it seems like you are always saying the wrong thing to them? Are you always having to apologize to this friend?

I have a friend like this. This person has been a friend since the 80's. We have not kept in touch all that time but we have been and always will be friends. It is one of those type of friends that you had a great time with and hung out with but didn't really actually know that well. You tried to get to really know them but it was hard to get them to open up. But you always loved doing things with them.

Well I am friends with this person on, "gosh darn Facebook" and it has been fun to reconnect. In reconnecting I have found out so much about this person that I never knew about them.

The bummer is that I have made every possible communication mistake possible with this friend. I have never had to apologize in my life as much as I have had to apologize to this friend. I have not come off as myself at all. Almost like the whole friendship is doomed. I may have tried too hard. It may be possible that I am over thinking.....I never do that :) I did not know if you knew that it is very hard to read people when you are just communicating on Facebook so maybe that is why I keep jumping to conclusions and messing everything up?

So it has been awhile since I heard from this friend and last night I had some time and this friend was on my mind so thought I would just go to this friends Facebook page and see how they were. I typed the name in the search spot and uusually the name you are starting to type pop's up but this time it didn't. I have dial up computer that is oh so slow so I figured it was just being slow so I did other things for awhile and then tried again....hmmm it did it again. That got my attention. SO I pulled up my list of friends which are arranged so nicely and alphabetically and I found where this persons name should be and it was gone. I really did not know what to think. I sat there processing for several minutes. I really actually totally understood why the name was no longer there. I pulled up Facebook "help" because I had heard rumors of people blocking you or unfriending you and I wondered if that was what had happened to me? I read about both and figured that must be it. I felt sad but I knew that there was nothing I could do about it. As I told you I have had my foot in my mouth the whole time I have been reconnected with this friend. I really deserved what ever I got.

So to make a long story short at some point I sent this friend a message ( no I did not wonder how I could send them a message :) just to let them know that I understood and that I would never bother them again. I really am the one to blame.

Then I started thinking and I went back to my profile and pulled up my friends list again and went to that spot again where the name should be and lo and behold my blood ran cold the name was there right where it should be. I hate my dial up computer....pure and simple.

What was done was done I yet again failed at being a normal person :) I would try to fix it but I have been on a crash course anyway. How many times can you misunderstand and say the wrong thing in a friendship? I am bound to do it again and again and again so I better just let it go and spare this person the agony of me and my over thinking mind. I do wish they will have fonder, more sane memories of me in their mind but it is a little too late for that. Aaaaarghhh misunderstanding how I loathe you :)


Kristy said...

Oh, that is one big giant misunderstanding! I am sure your friend will understand, though. In fact, perhaps your friend will find it amusing and realize it's all part of the joy of being Jenn's friend. :)

Anonymous said...

Dear Overthinking,

You think too much. Stop "thinking" about every angle. You are thinking of situations that don't exist, having conversations in your head that never happened... I know I have been there. I have had to relearn to not think so much.

Your friend, if she is true, will know your heart and intentions and love you regardless of your blunders.

You are to kind and funny...I know your heart. And btw, we never hung out...maybe once.

Zac-ShaunaFamily said...

You are way too nice to ruin any friendship. You have such a big heart I am sure your facebook friend will understand.

Ackerman/Mejias Family said...

My goodness, that sounds so stressful!
I understand because I always replay conversations I've had with people wondering if what I said could have been taken wrong.
People who are compassionate or who know you well are very forgiving.
Besides, if you have to put that much effort into a relationship, is it worth it???

Annette said...

So, I am trying to make sense of this. I can't recall one time in the 20+ years we've known each other when you did or said something to offend me. WHo is this person you speak of who keeps putting her "foot in her mouth?" Sorry for the stress, but hang in there!

Danielle said...

I've known you, probably not as well as I would have liked, since the 80's. I don't think that you would purposely say something, or do anything to hurt anyone. I can relate, however, to what you say about having to always apologize to a friend. I was in a relationship like that. I prayed on it, and somehow learned that true friends are going to love and accept you no matter what you say or do. Just be yourself, Jenny. If that means overthinking things, so be it. As long as you are true to yourself, your real friends will be there with you no matter what.

Jennifer said...

Awww look at all my sweet friends :) Thanks for all the over thinking advice :)