Jan 24, 2010

On My Mind.

Yes, it has been over a week since I last posted. Yes, that really bothers me. But I must tell you my mind has been crowded and I can not seem to consolidate it all into one post that is suitable for viewing :) I never have been able to focus when my mind is crowded. I keep standing by waiting for it to be uncrowded and for some shining, shimmering, clear as a bell post to just come floating into my lap but it has been 8 days and it is not happening. Every day I sit down and start a few paragraphs of a post and then end up just saving it because someone might take it wrong, or it does not sound right, or I could not figure out where to put a comma (well okay you caught me I never do worry about that :) Anyway, I finally decided that maybe if I just let myself ramble I can get it all out and we can start fresh with an empty mind.....hmmmm I wonder what an empty mind feels like? :) I doubt over thinkers ever have those :)

Hanging Pictures on the wall is on my mind. I am not good at this. I am getting better at it but it still does not come naturally to me. I am sure I am making it harder than it should be.....I do not know if you know I do this :) I need to just pull out all my pictures and lay them on the floor and arrange them until I am happy and then hang them up. There...problem solved :)

Broken dryers are on my mind. My dryer is on vacation and whenever an appliance does that I miss it so. I realize how much I need it. I spend a lot of time realizing how cushy my life is. And I even ponder on my pioneer ancestors and what they went through to get dry clothes. I waited for at least two days before I finally ventured to the laundromat. It has been a long time since I was forced to put my clothes in the car and drive somewhere to get them clean. So long that I did not even realize that laundrymat had an "o" in it instead of a "y." So long that I foolishly thought that I could do my 5 baskets of laundry for 6 dollars. You can imagine my shock when I finally left the laundrOmat on Thursday and I owed Amanda $15.00 and I still had wet laundry. I felt a little scammed. Somehow I felt like they should pay me to come there, use their machines that make my machines at home look like Olympic athletes and sit by guys who accidentally spill their cleverly disguised alcohol all over the floor. But in the same breath that I say that I also must say that their is nothing more humbling than washing your clothes in public. Everyone should have to try it every couple of years. I mean all of a sudden you painfully become aware of the shape of your towels and your families underwear. And you are pretty sure everyone is whispering about the towels they know you got when you were married :) Well to make a long story short the good news is I survived the experience and the bad news is the dryer is still not working and I have to go back to the laundrOmat this week.

A teenager that has graduated from high school early is on my mind. I think she thinks I have fun while they are at school all day. I think she thinks I watch TV, eat chocolate and do whatever I want :) She really wants a job and has been applying. And she has also applied to college but we have this little bit of time here while we are waiting that she thinks we may be partying. There are some parts of life that seem to naturally follow a certain path and graduating early from high school is not what most people do so there is no plan. It feels a little like jumping from an airplane for us path/rule following Baird's.

Doing something that is hard is on my mind. When was the last time you did something that was hard for you? I had to go to a friend's house a few weeks ago and make an apology. It was very hard for me to do. It took all my courage but I did not want a misunderstanding to be the "elephant in the room" in our friendship. I also did not invite anyone to dinner tonight and that is very hard for me :)

It seems we are always trying to make things easier. Oh, you don't like that class? Well lets get you out of there. Oh, you don't like that teacher? Well lets get you out of there. Oh, you don't like who you are assigned to be with? Well let's get you out of there. I confess I had fallen into the trap of thinking I should always be trying to make things easier for my kids and myself. It took several events and then a marvelous stake conference talk by a mission president's wife to make me put it all back together and realize that if we want to grow and be better we need to face the hard things not run from them and give up. We don't teach our kids to face hard things anymore. We teach them to raise a fuss until they get the easy way. Joe is the only boy at church that is his age. When we moved into the ward on December 7th and Joe was 11 and would be 12 on January 31st someone decided that Joe should just go to the next class up with the kids a year older since he was the only boy his age. I am not sure how it all came about but before I knew it someone had talked to Brian about it and Joe was in a new class. Well suddenly this year they decided he needed to go back. Of course Joe is freaking out about this new development in his life. But Brian and I told him that rules are made for a reason and we need to follow them. He said his life is going to be ruined but I am grateful for the opportunity for him to have to do something hard. It is 45 minutes out of his week and he can decide if it is going to ruin his life or not.

So thanks for letting me ramble today. Did you know this is my 401st post? That is a lot of sharing :)


Annette said...

401st post! Wow! I enjoyed it. I miss you and hope we will catch up soon. You rambled about some very profound things. I agree about the easy- learned a lot about that lately. Hope you have a working dryer soon!

Farm Girl said...

Hard things aren't fun! It would be nice to have everything peachy all the time. I think my hardest issues are usually ones that involve communicating - I can relate to the apology. You are an amazing writer because you can say what is in your mind/heart so clearly! Looking forward to the next 401 posts!