A state of uneasiness and apprehension, as about future uncertainties.
Did you read that definition? So do you ever get "that?" Is there anyway to avoid "it?" I confess I get "it"....... sometimes. I don't need to take medication for "it" but I do get "it" about certain things. Did you guess that "it" was the definition of anxiety? The biggest things that cause anxiety for me are being on time and having to travel to a never before seen destination that I have to be to at a certain time. I do not know why I just can not get lost and be late and be okay. I just really like to know exactly where I am going, see the destination in my head, know exactly what will happen along the way that may cause me to be late.....unrealistic? Really? DRAT. Look, I did not choose this anxiety it choose me. And it has gotten much better over time.
So now that I have over shared with you about my mental state let me tell you my story. We have been discussing the idea, for several months, of Miriam flying to Hawaii to visit my parents. Once we discovered that we could not find a plane ticket for under $800.00 dollars we sort of let the discussion drop. Then one day my dad called to say he had found a ticket for $550.00, still a ton of money but definitely less than $800.00, so we re-opened the discussion and Miriam decided she wanted to spend her money on this trip. So I asked my husband to purchase her plane ticket since he has high speed internet at work and we have, "take all stinking day dial up" at our house. The poor man had no idea that honoring a seemingly innocent request could result in such a mess. But the minute he brought the ticket information home and I looked at it I did not know what to say....big lie...I knew what to say...I just did not know where to start :)
And even today at 1:24 pm EST when Miriam is safely on her first flight on her way to Hawaii I still do not know where to start.
Because everything is close together on the East coast we have the blessing of being able to choose between several airports when we fly anywhere. Bradley International airport is in Connecticut and is 25 minutes from our house so it is always our first choice. But sometimes you can not help but check other airports just because of the whole spending money thing. Well the hubby was doing a good thing and trying to save money when he checked tickets and found, and purchased, the cheaper ticket leaving to Hawaii from Boston (not currently 25 minutes away in Connecticut.) Here is where the story starts to get emotional for girls who have time and unknown destination anxiety :)
Now to get to Boston airport from our house you have to:
Drive 107 miles, (that's okay, love to drive)
To a big airport I have never been to before. ( not okay....see the anxiety paragraph above :)
Through downtown Boston (that's okay, very beautiful city)
During unpredictable, evil, big city, got to get to work on time, Monday morning rush hour traffic (not okay when you have a time constraint and have to be looking at mapquest while driving)
On a day (February 22nd) when the hubby is in far away sunny California.
On a day (February 22nd) when the little kids need to have someone to get them up and ready for school.
So within seconds of assimilating all this info I confess I threw a small, but adorable,(hey, it's my story) tantrum because I was in shock and he threw a tantrum back...( not an adorable tantrum)
So, do I need to tell you that the tantrum did not work? (FYI they never do) And since I could not change what was done, I spent three weeks mulling over all the facts trying to get as much control over the situation as I could.
I laid out all those facts and slowly dealt with them:
I tried to get someone to ride with me to Logan International but no one loved me enough to get up at 4:30 am on a Monday morning to ride with me to the airport and help me figure out where to drive.
I asked a few dear friends who work in Boston, and are acquainted with it's wicked roads, about what time I should leave and graphed and averaged their replies. (Funny, what a little ol anxiety can drive a person to do :)
I swallowed my pride and begged some neighbors to let the 7 and 10 year olds spend the night at their houses on a school night...GASP.... so that they could have some grown up supervision to help them catch the bus and get to school on time.
I mapquested directions and searched the Logan International website to gain every piece of information I could about my opponent.
I got $40.00 cash out of the bank to cover the tolls into the airport and home.
And I confess I even ignored my husband's suggestions that I did not need to leave for the airport until 7am.
So, it was 5:07 in the morning when Miriam and I pulled out of our driveway in Westfield 107 miles away from Logan International Airport....and to her credit she did not say one word about the unreasonableness of our departure time. The morning was clear and beautiful. I do love watching the sun come up when I am driving. The Massachusetts Pike AKA I-90 was clear sailing and we arrived at the airport at 6:50 am. I got her into the airport, checked in and watched her go through security and was back in my car at 7:19 am where I had a text waiting for me on my phone from her that said,"HAHA there is no one else at my gate."Well of course not her flight did not leave until 11:33am..... obsessive? Who me? I started to seriously wonder if I did need medication as I was driving back the 107 miles across Massachusetts but then I noticed that the other side of the Massachusetts Pike heading East into Boston was not moving....I passed mile after mile of cars and heard about a three car accident that was blocking traffic into Boston for miles and miles. Would we still have made it on time if we were stuck in that traffic....probably. But I am glad I did not have to find out. And did it hurt her to sit in the airport and read and stare at people for four hours? I don't think so.
Is it funny what lengths we will go to to control our world and try to master uncertainty? I guess funny is better than sad :) And you should probably make a mental note somewhere to not ask me to drive you to the airport.....unless you want to get there early :)