( I wrote this blog awhile ago and did not publish it but I re-read it today when I was in the process of cleaning out my files and decided it was harmless and I should publish it...right this minute :)
What do you really know about blogging? What do you want to get from the blogs you read? Why do you read them? I have about 50 people a day who read my blog. I often wonder why they read. Sometimes I wonder if I meet their needs. Sometimes I wonder if being inside my head is fun for them? And I always wonder who they are. So, just for fun, here is my analysis.
I assume that probably 6 or 7 of my readers are from mine or my husbands family. We live a long way away from all of our family. We never see any of them so they probably like to check in and see if my kids are being good or bad, if I am fat or skinny, and to see if their predictions about my and Brian's marriage were right. (P.S. They were :) The only part of this group that makes me nervous is my parents, I fear I may embarrass them :) What parent wants to know what is going on in their 41 year old daughters head? :)
I would guess that another 6 to 10 of my readers are from my current ward at church. These people probably wonder why I do what I do and maybe they hope that reading my blog will help them to have some insights as to why I cry in church almost every week. (I will never tell :) These people are a huge part of my life and probably, hourly, live in fear that I am going to blog about them :) They are right to be fearful, sometimes I am, in a round about way, alluding to situations they know about. These readers make me the most nervous because they have only known me a short two years they do not love me as unconditionally as the members of the old boyfriend group do...JK. They have not really had the chance to get to know me since I play the piano and am always behind it. They do know I occasionally play the organ a little loud in sacrament meeting. They know when I bear my testimony I ramble about nothing. They know my kids often read books in church and that my husband is on his cell phone way too much. They know I love to wear tights with my dresses. They know I did not attend the Relief Society activity last Saturday. They know a lot of things the rest of you don't because they see me practically every day. You other people can't imagine me being anything less than wonderful, pretty and perfect (hope I did not push that too far :) but this group of readers know without a doubt that I am not :) They know......sigh...they know a lot. They are a huge part of my life and I like them to like me.....yes, they know I am insecure too :)
The next group I assume are readers are my old friends. People who knew me WAY in the past....like in the 1980's and 1990's. I have NO idea what these people remember about me and that fact alone can drive me crazy if I let it. I keep thinking that if I can get these people to cough up some details it may help me to figure out who I am. I do not have any clue as to how I influenced their lives. Since I have no confidence, I am at times, not sure why they are here. I have gathered from comments and private notes from some of them that most of the ones from high school are surprised at who I am. But that is very normal, most of us in high school did not realize that we hardly knew each other. I wish all my friends from the 80's had blogs. I would definitely read them so maybe that is why they read mine.
My friends from the 90's who occasionally drop by to see what I am up to are some of my dearest friends. They were with me through some tough times. They watched me raise my kids. And they are my biggest fans. They knew me before I discovered eyeliner. They taught me about pedicures. And they also taught me how to get rid of gray hair :) I love them dearly. And I have yet to figure out how I know without a doubt that this group loves me unconditionally.
The next group of readers is people who do not know me at all. They are the people who google over thinking and end up here, only to sadly discover that I do not have any answers for them on how to stop over thinking. I actually embrace over thinking and can not help them with their obsessive need to get rid of this tendency. I think if you know you over think that is enough. Let it go, and don't worry about it, it is who you are. We all do it at some level. If you can admit it you are surely one step ahead of the others.
I think that occasionally one of my groups of readers may be....gasp.... old admirers/boyfriends....yes, mother I did say it :) There is not many of them. And I should take this moment to tell them that:
I do not iron my husband's shirts.
I need a perfect lawn...(just the front I can let the back lawn slide :)
I am completely irresponsible with the toothpaste tube.
I leave my socks under the covers down in the bottom of the bed.
I have to read a little before I fall asleep so I keep the bedside lamp on for about 15 minutes.
I used to cook dinner.
I have a favorite pair of sweats.
See...your instincts were right. You dodged a big bullet :)
What kinds of blogs do I read? Well it takes a lot of time to read blogs and I really do not have a lot of time so I have decided that blogs written by people I know are my priority. I have two blogs that I read that are blogs of people I do not know. The fact is you could spend all day reading blogs and enriching your life there are millions of amazing writers out there so I had to draw a line somewhere so that the family could have dinner and clean clothes :) Besides it can be hard on ones self esteem to read all the perfect looking blogs out there. On blogs we can make our lives look so perfect :) Uh oh I told you my secret :)