Apr 12, 2010

The State of The Union.....ahem.... Yard.

Once a year the president of the United States addresses Congress in the House of Representatives chamber at the United States Capitol. This address is required by the constitution. In the address the president is supposed to report on the condition of the nation, he outlines Congresses priorities for the year and definitely outlines his agenda. I used to watch the State of the Union every year but I confess that in recent years it has been a little painful so I have stopped watching, judge me if you must.

But I really like the idea of the State of the Union. So I thought today I would give you my own state of the union....not about the nation....silly....about things here in The United States of Baird...like all true politicians it is all about me :) The State of the Union address is usually given in January but at our house Spring is always evaluation time so it is the best time to report. And I fancy myself as President of the United States of Baird....so I will give the address. Please save your applause until the end...I hate that part of the State of The Union...all the pauses for the applause.

The first thing I will report on is the condition of the yard. I did a few things differently last Fall and I had to wait all winter to see if they would work or not. You see I checked with my cabinet(aka Google) last October and decided to cover my strawberries with straw...I mean they are STRAWberries after all. But as I took the straw off of the berries this spring I think I have determined that I will not do that again simply because I now have a huge pile of straw to dispose of. So for purely lazy reasons I am ditching the straw idea this Fall and next Spring I will know if it was a good choice or not. Maybe I should tax my people more so that I could hire someone to remove the straw? Now that it is Spring the strawberries are growing like crazy so I am excited to see what sort of a crop I will get from my one year old strawberry patch. I am trying to ignore the fact that I planted them in a low spot in the yard and cross my fingers that it will be okay.

Most of you who listen to talk radio know about my new plan to plant a cover crop :) I will apparently do whatever it takes to have great soil even if my constituents do not agree. I have to say something here that not many politicians ever say..."I was wrong about the cover crop." I am too impatient to wait for the cover crop to be at the perfect moment to rototill it under. About a week ago I asked the Vice President (aka hubby) what would be the absolutely worst thing to happen if we dug the cover crop under at the wrong time and he said the worst case scenario would be lots of winter rye still growing that I would have to weed out. I decided I was okay with that scenario and assigned the VP the job of rototilling the winter rye into the garden. And yes, I am weeding it with much happiness and joy. Aren't I good at putting a spin on my situation?

The state of the raspberries worried me a little since I was not sure about the proper way to prune them. But I am happy to report they all have leaves opening and look happy. I need to use your tax dollars to find the perfect cover for the raspberries because I am a selfish president and I will not be exporting raspberries to the birds. My goal for this year is to plant two more raspberry bushes to bring my total to 10 raspberry bushes. I am sure this goal will make our nation better.

As of Saturday April 10th the peas, garlic, onions and potatoes have been planted in my garden. Since so many of you complained to your Senators last year about how ignorant I seemed to be when I planted, in your opinion, to early I want you to know that this year I waited 2 weeks later to plant them to prove I am a listening sort of president :)

On my agenda for this year is one thing:

#1. To fix the lawn.

Even though he would vehemently (we should all use the word vehemently more isn't it great? ) deny it the previous President of the "gray house" took the topsoil when he left so I thankfully have someone, other than myself, to blame for the condition of the gray house lawn. The Vice President has voiced his dissent about this project but I am, after all, the President so I am pressing forward with the "restoring the lawn project" all on my own. Every year I will purchase a couple yards of topsoil, add it to the yard and replant grass seed. I am determined that my lawn will cause you to take off your shoes and run through it when you see it.

Also, I would still love to have a fence installed to protect my garden from the deer and other wildlife creatures that seem to have no respect for borders. I also plan to plant two more Blueberry bushes with your tax dollars.

The polls show you supported the building of my cold frames and so to help my approval rating go up I need to report that they are doing fabulous. I have radishes, lettuce, cilantro, dill, spinach, and peas all coming up in the warmth and happiness of their micro climate.

Just so you don't question what a great president I am, in closing, I must tell you that our neighbors noticed my mad yard skills and are now employing me for 4 hours a week to work on their yard. So one weed at a time we will restore this nation to its greatness :)


nanci said...

I REALLY enjoyed reading this post! It makes me want to see your yard! You have such a fun way with words. Keep up the good work, Madame President!

Annette said...

Too fun! The state of your union seems so progressed compared to mine (basically a sand lot with a front wall (just recently added) to block the sand. All this talk of strawberry and rasberry makes me so excited to take my own little domain in hand! I love your blog!