Aug 2, 2011

The Courage to Face Afraid.

When was the last time you were afraid? Why do we have to get afraid? I have been thinking about being afraid the last couple of days and with thinking about afraid always comes thinking about having courage. But that is getting way ahead of myself....which, I am afraid, I always do :) When I think about something I do not really understand I try to break it down into the simplest form possible. So I tried to think about things I was afraid of, times I was afraid, how I dealt with it, and then how I felt when it was all over. Whew....we have a lot to cover today this is going to be so fun.

I can declare with confidence that I am afraid of spiders. I have grown a little bit in this fear and I can now handle little spiders that have not a hint of hairy on them. But that is it :) I am very afraid of scary movies but I think you are supposed to be :) I get afraid if someone is following me up the stairs. I have no idea why but it makes me feel like running up the stairs to get away from them. I am extremely afraid of being misunderstood....this is one of my more healthy fears :) I used to be afraid to tell the truth because I did not want to hurt anyone but I have recently learned that I hurt them more by not telling the truth so I have do not ask me if you look fat in that outfit :) I googled, "what we are afraid of" and of course there was a list of top ten things people are afraid of and of course I am going to tell you what they were.......

#1.Fear of flying
#2.public speaking
#3. heights
#4. dark
#5. intimacy
#6. death
#7.fear of failure
#8. rejection
#9. spiders
#10. committment

I was relieved to discover that only number 8 and number 9 apply to me and I am able to tell you I have recently survived both :) Not together :) I would be okay if a spider rejected me :) But rejection all by itself is a truly nasty thing....I think if I were getting a grade on how I am dealing with rejection I would get a C- and unfortunantly there is no makeup work available to bring that grade up :)

I used to be afraid of the dark .....I would run like crazy up the driveway after putting the garbage can out but then one day I stopped... looked around me, forced myself to stand there, and all of a sudden I noticed the brilliant stars, the fireflies and the silence and I have never run from the dark again.......okay, I confess, I do have a flipping sweet flashlight with me at all times if necessary :)

I used to be afraid of driving in the snow. But as I moved further east and was forced to drive in all sorts of snow I slowly gained confidence and after getting stuck a few times and figuring out how to get unstuck I realized it was not so bad and I am no longer afraid of it.

As I have faced my fears through the years I have come to realize that is the key. You have to face them. I feel so empowered when I face something I am afraid of and take a stand. It is never easy to do something hard. Especially when Mr Unknown is standing right behind the fear waiting to join the party. When you are afraid you feel fear, apprehensiveness, discouragement, reluctance, unhappiness, intimidated and send me a self addressed post card if you want more words....because there are plenty more synonyms to the word afraid :) I do not know about you but I am not longing for any of those words to be in my life anymore. The only way to get rid of them is to make some very hard decisions and then deal with what may come after. Nothing is easy. Yes, I have finally learned that :) But I would rather face the hard without any of those afraid synonyms around.

I have been taking baby steps towards some fears lately. I want to desperately have the "quality of mind and spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger and pain without fear".....that is what the dictionary tells me the definition of courage is...determination, resolution, tenacity,endurance, and fortitude... do those words not sound oh so luscious? You have to admire someone who knows what they need to do and they have the strength to do it....conviction...oh my so many words to understand and little time :)

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