Jan 25, 2013

Hating The Cat.

Don't judge me on that title just yet. Hear me out and then judge and post your "shame on you you should be loving the cat comments" to your hearts content :) But I must warn you that I use the word hate in conjunction with the cat in this blog way too many times :)

In my growing up years we always had pets mostly a dog here and a cat there. But at one point when we lived in Snohomish  my parents took the definition of pet to the hobby farm level replete with pigs, cows, sheep, dog, cats, and horses. There is one thing though that was always certain, no matter what, the pets were always outside pets. I have not thought or ever will think that pets belong in the house.

But somewhere along the meandering trail of life I became a sucker and ended up being part of a "cat in the house" kind of family. I have hated it every single day that it has gone on. I hate changing cat litter, which curiously is my job. I hate cat litter. I hate that the cat scratches on my old furniture making it so I have no chance of ever getting new furniture. I hate that it has an obsession with chewing on plastic grocery bags and ziploc bags that get left out. Yes, it will search through the house for hidden Christmas or birthday presents in, oh so delicious, plastic shopping bags. I hate that it has adopted the kids collection of old stuffed animal Pound Purries and Pound Puppies and carts them around the house like they are real, choosing new places to plop them and protesting if you disturb them. Talk about crazy... the cat thinks these stuffed animals are her babies. I hate the cat hair. I hate inconveniencing people who come over who are allergic to cats. I really hate that occasionally, in a most random way, the cat will decide her litter box is not good enough for her poop. I hate that  I have to close certain doors because of the cat. I hate that every year I have to veto her being in the family picture. I hate that the kids think this cat is picked on by me. I hate that there are no longer rugs on my bathroom floor because of the cat. I hate that I always have to make sure it does not get outside. I hate that it broke one of my favorite vases. I hate that it knocks breakable things over all the time. I hate that it acts like I owe it something. I hate that when I am not looking it gets on the counter. I hate that it thinks it can sleep in the laundry baskets on top of clean clothes.Whew, I had no idea I had so much hate to let out about the cat....as uncomfortable as all this hate may be for you pet lovers I think this is working out to be healthy for me :)

I am just going to confess up front that we are not the best pet owners in the land. No cat toys. No engraved cat dishes. No blinged out collars. No fancy cat food. We feed them and house them and that is about it. When you have seven very expensive human kids are you going to pay for shots for a indoor cat? Well maybe you are but sadly I am not. I know I am probably breaking some "loving your pet" law. And believe me if any state is going to have one of those laws it will be Massachusetts :) I am secretly hoping some important cat law enforcer reads this and comes and takes the cat away which is why I am going to totally share it ALL right here... for all 29 of my blog followers :)

 Are you ready for more scandalicious cat confessions? The aforementioned cat is not even fixed/neutered/whatever it is called so about three times a year she is in heat for about a week and she makes the most awful "yowling for a boyfriend" sound you have ever heard. It cracks up people who are visiting us but that is because they do not have to live with it. It mortifies me when I am on the phone with a doctor or a school and she happens to make this awful sound. It is so embarrassing. We could probably add this to the hate list.

So why do we have a cat? Good question. When we first moved here things were not pretty and Miriam wanted a kitten so bad that I thought it would be a good thing, you know, something to take their minds off the move that we ruined their lives with. Not something that dictates which doors of my house stay open and which doors stay closed. NO that isn't what I signed up for :)

 Can I tell you my children L.O.V.E the cat. My husband L.O.V.E.S the cat. And yes I am going to say outloud that they ALL love this cat way more than they love me. No, I am not being dramatic, I would never do that :)They have never defended me the way they defend this cat. The cat can just be sitting somewhere all cat like and they will all freak out about how cute the cat is and they will ooohh and ahhh over it and take nine thousand pictures of it.They think I should give all control of my house up to the cat. IF this cat does something wrong in this house that was built for humans ( not cats) my whole family wants me to adapt as quickly as possible. They will say things like:

"Well just keep that door closed and she won't do that anymore"

 "Well just don't leave any ziploc bags or shopping bags out and then she won't chew through them anymore"

I feel like because I am the human and I am married to the person who pays for the house I should not have to make accommodations for the pet.

I promise, with all my heart, I would like the evil cat in a second if it were an outside/occasionally garage cat. But it is not. I am not completely heartless I really like our six chickens. But they do give me eggs and they do live outside. And their poop is the best in the land for my compost pile.

I know I sound selfish and most likely cold and heartless but maybe just one of you understands my pain :) Can you believe as I am writing this the cat is sauntering around my laptop trying to get my attention? :) I hope you all will still be my friend even though I have serious unresolved issues with Kittromney Baird :)

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I am sorry you have such strong negative feelings about me and my behavior. I try to be nice. I try to keep to myself and leave you alone most of the day while we are home together. Can't we all just get along?!!!!

--Kittromney

P.S. By the way, I love that picture of me in your Blog. Can I get a copy of it for my Facebook Page?

theFamilyWatson said...

I hate our office cat! I have full sympathy for you :)

Nichole Roskelley said...

I feel very apologetic about giving you a defective cat... :)

C Tam said...

bahahaha! You make me laugh so much. I wish this comment could be more clever, but all I can say is that I miss you.

Anonymous said...

Cats are awesome. But no we still love you! Love your humor :)