I think after years of slowly realizing that things simply do not work the way they do in my head I finally know with all my might that all that should matter is that Heavenly Father knows that Jennifer is doing her best. She is being true to herself and her values and treating others the way she knows he would want her to. I can't make you like me. I can't make you realize I am doing the very best I can at everything I do. No matter how big of a tantrum I throw I can't make you understand that I really do have very true, honest and kind intentions. Strangely you and I can definitely agree that I am SO not perfect :)
As incredibly painful as my learning curve has been I love that each time someone hurts me I realize I have become stronger. I get over it quicker. I deal with it in a more mature way :) As yucky as it may be it is a pretty awesome feeling to realize you are ever so slowly "getting it" Yes, I just may be growing up :)
I felt a little foolish and sad as I realized I had been giving so much time and energy to the mean people in my life that I had completely forgotten all the lovely, kind, unconditional people. How eternally grateful I am for them. I love these people and there are so many of them in my life. There they are being so patient with me as I learn what truly matters. They don't mind telling me the same thing over and over. They see my goodness. They pick up the phone when they see it's me :) They know how to say hard things in such a kind way that you know they genuinely want to help you and care about you :)
I was thinking about that little girl in the movie The Help and how her nanny taught her to say "I is kind. I is smart. I is important." All that seems to really matter is that we know these things without a doubt and then when people come into our lives who seem to need to insist that we are none of those things we can ignore them and not let their words devastate us.