Apr 17, 2014

Do You Wanna Build A Puzzle?

Do you like to do puzzles? Someone was asking me the other day about how my life is going and I was describing all the pieces to her and explaining how I was just patiently waiting for them to all fit together....you know, like a puzzle, and while we were sort of chuckling about that "life fitting together like a puzzle" thing she told me about a company that makes puzzles and when they send you the puzzle it arrives in a blank box so that you have no idea what you are putting together. Who would not want to know what they were putting together? How would that ever be fun? And yet I realized that that is my life right now. Except my pieces are not even sitting nicely in a box...even if the box was blank...... if the pieces could just be nicely sitting in that blank box that would be so sweet. All my pieces are swirling around me. Most of the time I feel very peaceful about all these flying puzzle pieces from the aforementioned blank box but other times I feel overwhelmed, very alone, and lay in bed until noon and randomly cry. I have to have faith that the pieces will come together when they are supposed to. I know I will look back at this time and recognize why all the pieces needed to swirl around as long as they are. But some days I just want to reach out and grab a piece and force it to fit. Come on ...you know you have done that before :) "Look", you gleefully exclaim, to the person you are doing the puzzle with who, without any effort, keeps finding all the right pieces and putting them together, "this one fits".... "Oh wait it doesn't".....my bad.

I am so happy to say that I have finally have nabbed the job piece. As of today I got the part time adult circulation desk job at the Westfield Atheneaum. I have been waiting for this piece for a long time. And felt like when this piece fell into place it would immediately help all the other pieces fall into place but sadly that is not the case. All the other pieces are still flying around with little ol minds of their own. But the hours of this job could not be better. Does it happen often that the first real job you get you love with all your might and that the hours are perfect and that you love the people?

My house has a for sale sign in front of it but not much has happened. This is a piece I have no control over. I just have to wait and wait and wait. But the divorce can not be final until this piece falls into place with a sold sign on it :)

Where the chickens and the cat are going to, go that is a piece.
Downsizing/getting rid of 25 years worth of stuff, that is a piece.
Figuring out how to store the stuff I am going to keep, that is a piece.
Where to live, that is a piece.
Making sure 7 children are dealing, that is a piece.
Dividing finances, that is a piece.
Ignoring people who think you did not try hard enough, that is a piece.
Keeping up the scripture reading and praying so you can make good choices, that is a piece.
Laying on your bed staring out the window, that is a piece.
Feeling like you are all alone, that is a piece.
Feeling guilty, that is a piece.
Figuring out your part, that is a piece.
Ignoring the Reeses eggs, that is a piece :)

Why do we do puzzles anyway? Don't they just frustrate us? Don't they just require unlimited patience? When I do a puzzle I find all the edges and do them first that gives me an idea of the boundaries of the puzzle and why wouldn't you do all the pieces that have one side in common first? Duh. Then I try to sort the other pieces into categories as best I can....all the ones with some red over here. All the ones with some trees over here. Oh look this one has part of the house it goes in this pile. Sometimes I look at a piece and can not for the life of me figure out which category it goes in. Thankfully there is a category for that :) Sometimes just to remind myself there is an end I try to guess which piece will end up being last. The hardest part about puzzles is that they are messy and take space. You have to use the kitchen table or you have to set up an extra table or even use a spot on the hardwood floor. Puzzles are never ever convenient. They are constantly in the way. It takes all my strength to let them be until they are done and then I try to figure out how long they need to be done before they can go back in the box. My kids think they need to be on display forever....yeah not me.

So all the bad mouthing of puzzles aside. Can we chat a minute about the eternal joy that comes when two pieces fit together? Not just any two pieces but the two pieces of blue sky that pretty much look exactly the same. How about when you find the last piece of a house and the picture becomes satisfyingly clear? All the miserable searching and trying piece after piece part fades away and is replaced with a confident I can SO do this feeling.....and happy....yeah do not forget happy :) Oh and clear.....don't forget clear :)


Unknown said...

I love your analogy. And your list of the pieces flying around. I know the feeling of waiting for the day when all of this will be perfectly clear. Patience is not a strong suit, but I am working on it. Thanks for writing so I can read.
Love, Jenny Jackson (Kathy's sister!)

C Tam said...

This post must resonate with everyone. It's pure genius. I am in a puzzles in the air stage of life too. This is where the 12 steppers say Let go and Let God...