Darn that song. Because of it all I seem to think about day and night is letting go....oh yeah, and not holding back anymore and don't forget that the cold never bothered me anyway. Because of this song I can never again plead that I know nothing about the awesomeness of letting go. Everyone is singing it. Everyone is humming it. Everyone is quoting it. Making references to it. No one can help it. We all seem to connect with those lyrics. I imagine everyone thinks the song is for them but I must insist that it truly is for me. I am sure that I am the only person in the world who needs to learn about the necessity of letting things go. All the rest of you seem so good at knowing when to let go. Wait....except leftovers.... I do not ever have a problem letting those go. And clutter...I am very good at letting that go also.
Just for fun I went to google and you know how you start to type something in and silly google tries to anticipate what you are going to look up? Well I started typing in..."how do you let go..." and guess what google's top five guesses were for what I would want to let go of were?
How do you let go of someone you love?
How do you let go of the past?
How do you let go and let God...?
How do you let go of a relationship?
How do you let go of a sock basket? (Just joking I made that one up :)
But seriously....Google really knows me :) I did not happen to read about any of these things. Because I don't want to let go. It is one of those things you have to do but is really no fun....yeah, I know....need a therapist much? :) I guess I need to google, "how to let go of not wanting to let go" :)
Letting go is for strong people. Letting go is for people who know what they want. The whole letting go thing never really fit into my life before because "strong" and "knowing what I want" have never been my identifiers. I mean it seriously emotionally scars me when people in movies let things go let alone in real life. I am always thinking to myself.... How could they hurt that other person? Or, wait there has to be a way to make that work? Or, how can they love them and still make the choice to say goodbye and not be together? It never ever made sense to me. Always bewildering. Always traumatic. But that was before. Now there is an after and now I am heading full steam ahead towards strong and I finally know a little bit more...darn it. I recognize why sometimes letting go has to happen. It is still the hardest thing in the world and I am not going to be winning any scholarships in Letting go 101. But I know how to say it is for the best. I know how to recognize toxic. I know how to notice when I do not like who I am in certain situations with certain people and that it is best to kindly ....never in a mean way and never ignoring without explanation.....say, "No more."
Can I tell you how I felt the first time I saw the youtube video of the song Let it Go? I had not even seen the movie yet. How it thrilled me to see Elsa powering up that snowy mountain throwing her gloves and her wrap to the wind. Declaring that the past is in the past. The concealing....not feeling part SO over. Musing about her kingdom of isolation that she looks like she is the queen of. Not caring what people say. Dismissing the fears that once controlled her.....so epic and inspiring.
I need to let go of the past....I have no idea why I keep thinking there is something there.
I need to let go of what I can not change....that is hard when you are a mom and have a child that is immensely struggling and you blame yourself for it.
I need to let go of relationships that will never go anywhere...no progressing just stagnating.
I need to let go of whopper juniors and onion rings.
I need to let go of the notion that I can make you like me and we can all be friends.....come on just give me some time I truly am delightful.
I need to let go of the not doing well in college.
I need to let go of not knowing myself so well in the past.
I need to let go of cheating on Crest with Colgate.
So I am happy to report that I practiced letting go for the first time about a week ago. It took all my courage to do a very difficult thing. It was so so painful. It left me feeling sad and missing but I know it was the right thing to do. I took the first step up to the top of let it go mountain :)