Jun 8, 2014

The Corkboard Book.

I used to be the best journal writer in the land. As a little kid I always wrote in my journal, albeit things like, "I hate my siblings so much" and "We went to see such and such a movie" but nonetheless writing. In high school I was still writing in that journal, still fairly surface-y things like, "I don't understand why my parents care if I am kissing a boy in his car at the end of the driveway"...yeah, good times :) In college I was still writing in my journal but it was more thoughtful. I was telling Mr Journal a lot of stuff so much stuff that before I got married I may or may not have burned a journal....or two :) Clear until I had at least four kids I was still writing in my journal but by this time it was only about once a month and at this point it was basically just covering what the kids were doing nothing much deeper than that. You see as time went on I had this lurking feeling that I was not being honest with my journal. I was afraid to write the truth. Afraid of what the people who came after me would think of me when they read what I really thought and felt. Not even really sure if I understood what I felt. Without realizing why I let the journal writing quietly slide out of my life.

About five years ago I started this blog. It took a lot of convincing from my friend Kristy to get me to blog. But I had some things happen to me that I did not understand and that was the catalyst that drove me to think so why not just tell a blank blogging rectangle? It is not the best scenario...I mean I love you all but we all know that everyone on the planet can read this and I have been burned enough through my sharing on this blog to be a little afraid of all of you. Even though it is my blog and I should not even care what anyone says or thinks about it unkindness can still tend to encourage one to put up some walls and loose some of ones naive-ness :) But I do hope the blog is some sort of a record of who I am.

Since moving to Massachusetts six and a half years ago I have quietly and carefully noticed that I have a few friends who carry around books full of glorious blank paper. They write whatever they want in them. I have been fascinated with this idea. But of course I could not simply go out and purchase any old blank book. No, no, no the whole process had to be perfect. So I would be in a store and see a book of blank paper I would pick it up, feel it, open it to make sure it truly was blank inside. I would check the price. I would consider how much paper was in it. I would smell it. I would observe if I had a clasp or not and most of the time the book would not leave the store with me. But for some reason one day about three years ago in a Michael's craft store the price, the feel of the paper, the cost, the look of the book all converged with a few stars and an angel singing moment and I bought my blank book that looks like it was covered in cork board....actually I think it may be real cork board it feels very squishy. It was way past time for this book I needed to keep track of some things.

This book and I had a rocky start. I was not sure what it's purpose would be. I wrote some important memories in it and thought it would just be a memory book that would help me move on with my life. So i wrote the memories starting in December of 2012. And as I remembered certain memories I would write them down and date when  I remembered them. But Mr. Corkboard's purpose slowly evolved and now I carry this book everywhere with me just like my friends do with theirs. 

 I write the names of books I have read in it.
 I wrote notes from my divorce class in it.
 I write all sorts of quotes from things I have read.
 I wrote a list of people who have changed my life some for being kind to me and some for being mean to me.
 I have many pages of pros and cons lists.
 I write goals.
 I take notes from church.
 There are some phone numbers in it.
 On one page I wrote, "70% of our happiness stems from our relationships."
 On another there is a quote from Kathrine Hepburn in Philadelphia Story "The time to make up your mind about people-is never."
 On another page I reminded myself to look up the word zeitgeist.
 One page has a list of clothes I am looking for; a basic white shirt with details, dress, two fun shirts, one pair of black shoes.
Another page has a list of places I need to see around here; Franconia Notch State Park, Lake Placid, the Flume Gorge.
Four pages are filled with all the seeds I wanted to purchase this year from the Park Seed Catalog.
The lyrics to the song Brave.
lots of notes from the event I emceed in March
I even have a whole page filled with opposites; girly-girl vs tomboy, quiet or chatty, Eeyore or Tigger, mountains or beach, confident or not, well done or rare.

I love this book. And I hope that someday someone will find this book and the others that will follow and feel a connection to me. I wonder what conclusions they will make about me as they read what I thought was important enough to write down?

1 comment:

Kristy said...

... and would you ever have thought that after all this time you are the only one actively blogging now? I support the book as long as it doesn't take the place of the blog. XO, KM