Jul 13, 2014

Selling Things In Your Driveway And Going to Court.

Well it is T minus 22 days and counting. I can feel things getting harder and harder and reality is starting to try to press down on me and my kiddos with some remarkable intensity. I knew this would happen but I just had no idea how it would feel. It hit me hard yesterday as I watched the toys my seven kids grew up with,  the gifts friends had given me, and furniture that had seen so much, all walk away with new owners. It is just stuff I told myself as I watched it go. A few of the items I could not resist the need to tell the new owners the items story and make them promise to take good care of what they bought from me. It was hard to walk back into a stripped down house. My 14 year old was at a youth conference in upstate New York and she came home on Saturday evening to a completely different house then what she left on Thursday morning. It was so hard to watch her struggle with this. I knew how she felt because just an hour before she came home I had been standing in the kitchen all alone doing two sinks full of dishes sobbing.

I have been so focused, and centered, and in control until yesterday. But in my defense last week was a tough week. I had my day in court on Thursday. I never imagined a sentence about me having a court date would come out of my mouth. Symbolically my husband was not able to be at our court date. He had commitments for his work in North Carolina. Because it is an uncontested divorce he technically should have been there. But my attorney figured out some ways around it....or so we thought she had :)

 My appointment was in Courtroom number one at 2 in the afternoon on Thursday. I left very early because that is what Jennifer does. I also decided to have a friend who lives in Springfield show me the best way to get to the court house and where all my parking options would be the night before because that is also what Jennifer does.

On the drive over on Thursday I had this sudden realization that because I am who I am I did not really know how to describe, in a short concise way, that I know judges must like, why my marriage was ending. I called my dear friend in a panic praying she would answer and I begged her to her please help me come up with two sentences that sum up my marriage failing thing I can tend to ramble and I did not want to ramble about this divorce. She knows me and with ease gave me a short way to describe why.

 I am glad I left early because all the parking garages downtown had signs displayed that said they were full so it took awhile for me to get brave enough to defy the signs and drive in anyway. As I pulled into my parking spot and turned off the engine in my car I sat there in that parking garage and said out loud to myself "Okay missy, this is go time".

Court was just like it is on tv :) I had to go through security. I had to cram into an elevator. I was in a room with no windows in it. There was a flag in the corner.  There was a seat that was higher than our seats for the judge. I got to raise my hand and say that I swore to tell the truth the whole truth.... There were all kinds of security guards. There were some people wearing their best clothes comfortably and others wearing their best clothes not so comfortably. And all sorts of luscious drama. And all sorts of sad stories.

I had a most fabulous time watching people and listening to all the cases before mine. I sat there all alone on a bench that was so weirdly shaped that when I slid to the back of  it my feet did not reach the floor. I sat there and briefly thought about how my marriage had started with a big cake and matching dresses 25 years ago in Logan, Utah and how I never imagined in 25 years I would be in Springfield, Massachusetts telling a judge it was over. The fact that I was sitting there alone did not escape me.

When it was finally my turn the judge asked me lots of questions and then decided that he needed the husband to be there so he asked my attorney how we could figure that out and we all played calendar together and finally figured out that we could all be there on Tuesday morning at 9. So I am going to court twice. Yay, a sequel :)

The garage sale paid for my train tickets. I still have tons of things left that I need to magically disappear. I still have to pack my stuff. I still need to take the kids to Six Flags and New York City and the Clark museum in Williamstown. I am still working.I have two book club discussions I am in charge of in July. But if I close my eyes I can see myself  on August 4th on the train watching America go by. I can not wait for that adventure.


mom/diane said...

Hang in. I will be thinking about you on Tuesday! Good prayers going your way!

Betty's Reflections said...

Pulling for you on Tuesday. May everything go smoothly and timely. I think you are handling things wonderfully.