Sep 10, 2014

You Shall Not Pass!

So I am in this phase of my life where I am learning all sorts of interesting things about life and relationships things that I really should have learned many, many moons ago. I get so excited at each of these "ah ha" moments that I am constantly having. I am sure I would never be expected to fight the urge I have to share them with you. The perfect way to share would be for you to insist on us spending a day together. We could go to the beach, ride a ferry boat, eat good food, and talk all day. But since that does not appear to be happening anytime in my future I will have to settle for blogging about it....the second best way :)

The first thing I have learned about involves the words emotional and boundaries.  I had no idea that the words emotional and boundary could go together. Yeah, I am admitting that on the internet.

What do you think about when you hear that word boundary? Do you think about how the minute you were born until this very, right now, minute you have been taught about boundaries? Yeah, me either. I am not sure that boundaries are something that are taught. Well at least not emotional ones. I guess we do try to teach about physical ones. Like don't talk to strangers.But I had no idea how important emotional boundaries were. From all my reading, googling, and chatting with people I have concluded that you can not have a healthy relationship without them.

So do you think about fences and walls when you hear the word boundary? My parents have a gate at the top of their driveway when it is open it is the only way into their six acres of land. We have to keep it closed all the time because the deer do not understand boundaries and think whatever is green is theirs and saunter on in uninvited and cause numerous problems...all the time.

Maybe you think about the boundaries that you made when you shared a room when you were a kid and you got so tired of "someone" messy being in your clean space that you made a line with masking tape and declared to the offending party "you shall not pass" this line.

Speaking of "you shall not pass" how about that boundary Gandalf threw out there in the Mines of Moria to that Balrog? Did it work? Yes, it did the Balrog definitely did not pass.

We all have to know ourselves well enough to know where our "do not pass" spot is. Every time I read about emotional boundaries the word crucial is there. If you happen to want a healthy relationship you have to have emotional boundaries. These boundaries can not come until you have a clear understanding of yourself, who you are, what makes you unique. Once you have this then you can communicate your needs and desires. And here is my favorite part listen to this "when you have a strong conception of your own identity then you do not feel threatened by the intimacy of a relationship and then you can appreciate and love the qualities in your partner that make him or her a unique person". Cool huh? So if you love yourself and understand yourself then you can have healthy relationships. You can respect someone elses differences and contribute to the growth of the relationship. Geesh, where was this tidbit oh so many years ago? If you are bored which I know you must be because you are reading my blog :) You should google "emotional boundaries"and read all the articles you can. It can't hurt you :) And then you can decide if your boundaries are going to be wood, brick, or rock. I love the little rock fences in New England so my boundaries are going to definitely be rocks stacked up to make quaint little fences. Hmm is it wrong to use the words quaint and boundary together? :)

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

What about from this point of view? If you want people to respect your boundaries, then return the favor.
"If you’re like me, setting boundaries can be a scary thing. Perhaps you, too, learned very early on that insisting on a fair boundary got you in trouble, or got you yelled at, or was guaranteed to get you in someone’s bad books (and once you were in the bad books, it was very hard to get your name out of there)."
Or this...
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/12/18/4-ways-we-violate-other-peoples-boundaries/

Jennifer said...

that is so true Anonymous thank you for leaving me that link. It was hard to read it and realize I have so much to learn and that I would probably get an A plus in violating other peoples boundaries too :) But all i can do is learn and try to be better :)

Anonymous said...

:) :) :)