Nov 6, 2015

Shut The Front Door.

Doors. They let things in and they keep things out. Sometimes we slam them to show our feelings. We can knock on them to let someone know we are there. We have been known to accidentally shut fingers in them. Some of us have been known to kick them. We can decide to open them just a crack or we can fling them wide open. We can stand quietly outside of a closed one and listen.

When someone knocks on our door unexpectedly it startles us and we wonder...should we open it? It is hard to open the door if you are not sure who is going to be there. What if it is someone you do not want to see? But if you are expecting someone and you hear a knock on your door you are so excited to open the door, right?

When I was in Estonia last summer my son and his wife could not come to pick me up from the airport when I arrived since they do not own a car so I was given instructions on how to get a taxi in Estonia since I do not speak Estonian. I just needed to just show the driver my sons address and he would get me there. It worked, he did get me a tall, Soviet era, high rise apartment building that was next to another tall, Soviet era, high rise apartment building that was next to another tall, Soviet era, high rise apartment building. It was around midnight Estonian time and the taxi driver helped me get my two, very heavy suitcases out of the taxi and then he left me alone in the dark, in front of this building. My cell phone did not work in Estonia. I had no wifi to send my son a message on Facebook to tell them I was there. I honestly did not know what to do. The address seemed foreign to me since it is written differently from our addresses said Sutiste tee and then two numbers separated by a dash. I did not have any idea if either of the words meant street or apartment? Was it the name of the area? Or the name of the building? The only door to get into the building was locked. You had to have a special sort of key to get in. I stood there for about ten minutes wondering what my plan was going to be. A closed door never felt so lonely. I saw a lady walking my way with her dog (yes, in the middle of the night). I prayed she might understand English and that she would not think I was crazy. She did not understand English but I showed her my son's address on a piece of paper and apparently I looked distressed enough that she decided to help me. She walked over to the building, pushed a button and I think she said something in Russian into a speaker. The button was to Zach's apartment and he came and opened the door for me. Open doors, those are nice.

Closed doors, not as nice? Well unless there is a blizzard outside then it would be good to have a closed door. And I guess a closed door is probably good when it comes to the bathroom. Oh and many a time a closed and locked door helped me when I was wrapping Christmas presents. I have also appreciated a closed door when I had a toddler that thought nap time did not apply to them. Closed doors can keep people from seeing you cry. They also keep people from seeing you eat the candy you took from them :) Oh alright maybe closed doors are not so bad and have their place.

I have noticed that if I am in a room I usually prefer the door open. It just feels claustrophobic to me if it is shut. When you are a mom you just need the door open so you can hear what is going on. Teenagers tend to prefer doors shut. Toddlers usually beg you not to close them. Speaking of closed doors I have to tell you I am terrible at locking doors. Our house doors were only ever locked if we went on vacation for an excessively long time. But locking doors is a whole another blog for another day.

When I was about 11 and living in California my siblings and I would play a game with the door that went from our garage into our house. It was the sort of door that would close all by itself when you let it go so we would stretch our foot back to hold it and lean as far into the house as we could get and then when we were ready we would take our foot off of the door and race as fast as we could down the hall and into the middle of the house to see how far we could get before the door shut. This game was very popular until I raced around the corner one day smack into one of my sisters and got myself some stitches.

 While I was in Estonia this summer with my son and his family I got to spend some time in glorious old town Tallinn. One of the first things I noticed about old town Tallinn was that all the buildings and houses had different doors. The pictures I have posted with this blog are just some of the doors I saw. So many colors. So many designs. So many different sizes and shapes. Each door was unique and had character.

Just today I was thinking about our chicken coop door which is not closing and latching very well because it is a little warped from water and sun. Doors can do that.

There are a lot of doors in my life right now. Some are open. Some are closed.
Some I slowly open, peer around, maybe even start to come around the door and then something happens that forces me to go back behind the door again and hide.

One of my doors is going back to school That one is wide open and I am loving it.

One of my doors is figuring out what I want to be when I grow up...yeah here is what that one looks like :)

Another door is relationships. This one will get opened a little and then for all sorts of reasons will have to close again. The revolving nature of this door is frustrating but I know it is teaching me and making me better? UGH.... so I am going to be grateful for it. So right now at this exact moment this door looks like this. (Yes, that is my yellow outfit :)

It has been interesting to muse about doors as I drive along everyday in my school bus... opening and closing my door .....letting kids on and letting kids off.

I got a beautiful journal from my friend Gail for my birthday last week and I have decided it is my most special journal. In it I am going to write down which doors I want to go through and how I can get through them and where I hope they lead. Lots of lists and goals all written using my favorite pen.

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