Dec 31, 2015

No Matter What.

So a few months ago I bought myself the brand new Sara Barielles cd. On this cd is a most beautiful and addictive song called, "You Matter To Me." The song is a duet with Jason Mraz. They sing back and forth about...well, about mattering to each other....duh :) In the chorus they sing:

"Because you matter to me
Simple and plain and not much to ask from somebody."

Is it really not much to ask to matter to someone?  I really, really love this song but it has got me thinking way too much about that word matter. What does it mean to matter to someone? Is it supposed to be work to show someone they matter? Or should it be easy? What does it mean if something matters to you? Is it selfish to want to matter to someone? So many questions, so little time :)

This song makes me feel melancholy and is probably not good for me to listen to since it fills my heart with such an enormous longing to really matter to someone. How would that feel? Sara describes it perfectly, "it's addictive the minute you let yourself think, the things that I think just might matter to someone." So true. It is addictive. I love to think and if someone actually looks like what I think might matter to them I am flinging the door to my life wide open. Yes, I have embarrassed myself  with this door flinging behavior, only to realize I did not actually matter....but, no matter :) I am not afraid to admit that I probably should be focusing more on if I am showing the things that matter to me that they, indeed matter. That would definitely be the less selfish route than worrying about if I matter to anyone. Are you wondering if I will continue to be selfish and choose the selfish route?  I think I can come through for you....starting tomorrow :)

Sometimes something can be, "A matter of life and death."

Lots of times you just have to be, "Matter of fact" with someone.

Sometimes there is just simply no other choice than to declare the phrase, "no matter" to help you move on and accept something you have no control over.

If I do not hear what my children say to me and I ask them to repeat it they often will give up and frustratingly declare, "oh, it doesn't matter."

If you matter, you are of consequence to someone. If you don't matter you are insignificant. I wonder if I know what really matters? If something matters to me do I know how to show it that it matters? I am confident that Reeses, pretty views, and steak know without a doubt that they matter to me. I think I am showing that you matter to me by asking you questions. I hope I show you that you matter to me by giving you my time and my eyeballs, that are looking at you.

Is it weird that for many, many years it mattered to me that I sent a Christmas card and now it just does not matter to me that you know how my year went or how glossy my family looks? I am not sure how or why this happened I just noticed that it happened.

Being a famous singer mattered to me for many years when I was a kid.
Having matching silverware used to matter immensely to me.
Having one pair of comfortable sweats matters to me.
Seeing places matters to me.
Pictures hanging centered and straight matters to me.

I presume that we all know what it feels like to not matter. Not the best feeling in the world but it is bound to happen, right? The bummer is the more I think about it the more I realize you can do nothing about not mattering to people. I have tried to make myself matter to someone, yeah, silly me, but at least now you can tell your friends you know this girl who tried to make herself matter to someone :)

Since today is the last day of 2015 I thought it would be a good time for me to focus and think about what matters to me as I head into a brand new New Year. Maybe I can possibly inspire you to think about what really matters to you. So what matters to me as I open the door to 2016?

Continuing going to college online matters to me this year.
Finding my very own place to live matters to me this year.
Making sure that I behave with integrity in everything I do matters to me this year.
Not worrying anymore about if there is someone out there that I matter to matters to me this year.
Saving money matters to me this year.
Not eating as many Reeses matters to me this year....AKA losing 20 lbs :)
Figuring out which degree I want to pursue matters to me this year.
Finding the perfect pair of black dress shoes in a size 4 matters to me this year.
Finding a bike rack for my car matters to me this year.
Spending a week in Canada matters to me this year.
Seeing Glaicer National Park matters to me this year.

I could not help myself and I opened up a new tab and I googled, "how do you know you matter?" I won't entertain you with all I read, although you know I want to. But I think if you sit very still, and quiet, and think about who matters to you and who you matter to you will easily recognize how you know. They listen, they are matter what.

So here's to mattering....having importance....being significant and may you figure out what matters to you in 2016 and make sure it shows and it knows :) Does it matter how many times I used the word matter in this blog? :)

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