Jun 4, 2017

Causing or Producing Motion.

The Little Mermaid moved out of the sea to land. Snow White "moved" from her castle to the dwarves house in the woods. The Mormon pioneers were forced to move from beautiful Nauvoo to the West (Utah). Laura Ingalls moved...a lot. I mean we are talking eight books worth of moving stories. Mowgli had to leave the jungle and go back to the man village. Each of these moves was different. The Little Mermaid gave up her voice to move she felt that sure of it. Snow White was "encouraged" by the evil queen's huntsman to not go back. Mormon pioneers were chased by mobs out of their town across the frozen Mississippi in February. Laura's pa went where there was work or promises of free land. And the man village was the best place for Mowgli, he just did not believe it.

I have moved a fair amount in my life:

Provo, Utah
Princeton, New Jersey
Huntington, Indiana
Lawrence, Kansas
Snohomish, Washington
Sedro Woolley, Washington
Seattle, Washington
Vista, California
Visalia, California
Del Mar, California
Westfield, Massachusetts
Cottage Grove, Oregon

At the end of the month of April I made the decision to move again. This time to Meridian, Idaho. Moving is not easy, we all can agree on that. So many emotions. So much work. So many logistics. I did not sign away my voice to make this move happen. No evil stepmother needs my heart delivered to her in a box. Mobs are not chasing me, yet. The reasons for this move that I am going to confess to probably come closest to Pa's reasons in The Little House on The Prairie books and Mowgli's reasons in Jungle Book. My opportunities will be better in the Boise area and it is probably the best place for me. Do I want to move? No. I do not.

I do not want to leave all the enormous trees. I do not want to leave the rain. I do not want to leave gray. I do not want to leave my hour and a half drive to the ocean. I do not want to leave every shade of green imaginable. Endless hikes. Endless waterfalls. The smell of the sun warmed wild blackberries growing along the side of the road in August. The ease of jumping in the car and being in Seattle in five hours. The Redwoods. My kids that I teach singing to every Sunday. Today was my last Sunday with them and it was so hard to imagine someone else teaching them the 8 songs they need to learn for their program in the Fall. I love singing with them.

Once you know you are leaving somewhere you start to gather memories. You start to look at things differently. You start to say to yourself, "this is the last time I will do this here with this person." This is the last time I will see this. My sweet little kids on my bus route are begging me to stay. It is nice to feel needed and loved. Is it weird that I will miss them as well? I know way too much about each of them and their lives.

Missing is normal. Every move I have made I have had to leave things I love and consequently miss them. You would think it would get easier. But my my heart still aches for the dear friends I have left scattered across the United States in the past 48 years. I miss the New England colors. I miss being close to New York City. I miss fields of sunflowers. I miss standing on my porch watching storms with lightening flashing every second. I miss the alive-ness of downtown Lawrence. I miss the traditions each different area had.

I am moving my 17 year old right before her senior year. Every person who realizes I am doing that looks at me with pity and I see them wondering how I missed the memo about that being a huge no no. How could I be handing out hard things to my child on top of everything else?

I am trying to keep up my homework, pack, work, make a gazillion decisions by myself, find a new job, find a new place to live, take a trip to Europe that I bought tickets for last August, just to name a few things. Sometimes I wonder if there is a limit to how much people are supposed to have pressing on their mind. You know how the airlines charge you extra if you want to take more weight on the plane than you are supposed to I wish that worked with life. I would be able to be collecting a ton of money from life because it is definitely exceeding the weight limit I have set. I keep telling life to back off a little but it seems to think it is good for me to be stretched and good for me to go through hard things so it is not showing me any mercy. Funny how I can know that but yet have multiple moments in a week that I find myself up in the night making lists and doing some good old fashioned sobbing.

So wish me luck. Send me a message if you know of anyone in the Boise area who needs a short, hard working, sassy girl named Jennifer to work for them. Send me a message if you want to go on a hike and help me take my mind off of my life.

Moving means causing or producing motion. It is instigating, impelling, or actuating. Things will stay the same if you do not move and sometimes you know things cannot stay the same even though you want them to so you take a really deep breath and you move. The antonyms of moving are fixed, permanent, stationary, unmoving. Someday I would love those words to be in my life but until then I am moving.


C Tam said...

Yay! Did you know that's where we live? So whatever else you're giving up, know that you are going to receive delicious sagebrush breezes, the new Meridian temple dedicated in November, award winning restaurants (Boise Fry Company is one you should check out first), World class rodeos (snake river stampede at the end of July!), Whitewater rafting (use cascade Company, they will take good care of you), and did I mention my family lives here:) Love you so much! Happy for you to make this move! Since we got married a decade ago, Jerry and I have lived 13 different places, spanning coast to coast and six different states. Our favorite places were Austin Texas and Boise Idaho. Seriously tied for first. So rest assured you are moving to one of the very best places ever.

Camie said...

Jen! We are moving this week too! All the best in your next adventure!